If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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