my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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