I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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