I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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