i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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