i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
