You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
