Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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