This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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