no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
my being single is dangerous.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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