Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
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