Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
