I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
