I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
