so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
please don't ironically join a cult
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