I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
