having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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