Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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