my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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