your parents love me but you hate me
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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