I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
