and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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