we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
