I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
