wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
