If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
