i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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