K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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