i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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