My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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