I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
