i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
And then the night went full on bisexual.