ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
she peed on how many people?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.