shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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