dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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