I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
