The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
