wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
