Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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