You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
