This is not my ceiling
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
