Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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