OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
