So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
