Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
