i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
