Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
