It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
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Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
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He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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