Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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