we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
