this boner is exhausting
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
