I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
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I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
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Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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