Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
