now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Randomize
