Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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