bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
it's like iHOP with fire
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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