apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
