I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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