A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
