Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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