tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Also, beer. Big fan.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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