He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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