is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I wish you could order shots online.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
why is half of my head shaved?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
