Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
