I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
