Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
