How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
