It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i would punch a child for taco bell
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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