guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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