i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
