I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I AM VODKA MAN
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Randomize
