But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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