And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
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Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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