hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
