It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
