I wish I could teleport
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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