2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
