you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
