Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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