But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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